I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
