guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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