plz talk dirty to me
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
