i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
try to milk me bitch
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
