i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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