all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
