these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
