ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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