dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I love you.
Bad choice
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
