omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
