just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
