She's JV to your varsity
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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