I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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