If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
