apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
