so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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