and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
