you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
