why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
