It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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