Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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