Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
