Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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