Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
