I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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