why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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