You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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