Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
