Your face is a jimmy john
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
