I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
