U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
