She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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