idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
