I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
