I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize