we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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