i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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