she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
