I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
