Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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