I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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