well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
