I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
