my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize