We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
