She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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