I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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