Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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