So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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