Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
