Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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