She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
