Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
