when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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