What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
