I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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