I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
