i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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