It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
