I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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