I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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