i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
