I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
