i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
