I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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