dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize