Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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