woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
